"Anticipation" or "Come What May"

"Room Enough In Here For One More. . ."

I haven't been "Proud" of a caption like this one in a long time.  Sometimes the writing flows like water and this one felt so good to write.  Made for Reprobate, It was inspired by her very candid and honest manifest about why she wants to be a girl.


Like everyone at the Haven who trades captions, she has a folder with preferences as to what kinds of captions she likes.  However, I found her "Why I Want To Be A Girl" essay far more telling than a typical preferences.  While I don't have permission, I'm going to print a few parts of it here.  I will ask her about it later and if wants me to remove it then I will.  Still, I think you'll understand where the inspiration for this came from:


If I had my druthers I would have been born a girl instead of a boy. This may be the case with a great many of you as well. Now I'm plenty happy as a dude and everything. You take what life gives and blah blah blah. Buuuuuut...If I had been born a girl, right from the start, then and only then could I have gotten to entire female experience. Which is what I am looking for. No half-assing it. Obviously I can't list all of the infinite number of things I wish I could have experienced if I had been born a girl. Nor am I privy to all of the things that would have no doubt surprised me in such a life. But here are a "few" of things that stand out in my mind. . . .

I would love checking out my body as it changed with puberty. Watching my hips swell and my breasts begin to grow. Of sprouting up way taller than all the boys in class for those first few years of adolescence. Of being jealous as some other girls blossomed over night and I had to wait. Or of blossoming overnight myself and being the envy of everyone. Of being on the receiving end of the boys' first bewildered glances as they realized what they'd be after for the rest of their lives.

I would love to experience my monthly curse and having to deal with my cycle. Of having that first embarrassing episode where I was sure I was dying. Of course I'd be wearing white underwear and khaki shorts and wouldn't have known what all the stomach aches beforehand meant. And the big scene at school. Of being bitchy and moody and all that goes with it.

I would love being not as hairy like a man. When I did go through puberty I was horrified by all of the hair. As a girl I would actually enjoy shaving my legs and arm-pits and would most likely keep a very trim and tidy 'landing strip' when I got old enough for it to matter.

I would love experimenting with make-up. Of being picked on for wearing too much. Of not wearing any most of the time."


I picked only some of the more interesting bits, but goes on for quite a bit and each segment is as joyously questioning as this.  What I love most is that she gives herself room for choice.  Most crossdreamers has an ideal imagine femininity (myself included).  However, Reprobate actually actually allows for the idea of having life's changes to formulate her as a girl from birth to death: The chance to experience it all and wonder how it would shape her.  This appeals to my intellectual side and the part of me that pictures womanhood at it's most raw and honest form:  How would the same situations that happened in my life shape me if they happened to me as a female?  

Of course, part of the fun of many of these captions is that it's fantasy; suddenly been thrust into womanhood would provide a whole new level of challenges and that's where this story comes in.  The story comes from the idea of virginity.  Often considered a pivotal point in a woman's life, it provided me with a means to add sexuality and sensuality without being crass.  While I often play in the realm of eroticism, that wasn't the ultimate theme here.  Just a girl who's made a choice; she's ready and she's picked her mate.  She wants to find out what it means to her and how both of them will feel about each other after.  Common traits for many young people, right?  

Now throw the TG element into it.  

How would YOU act if you've had to adjust to being a woman?  Just wanting to live life; no bells and whistles, just be treated like everyone else.  At some point in your transition, could you allow yourself to have feelings for someone of your former sex?  Even if it wasn't flat out love (i mean real love, not the movie reel shlock you see in films), would attraction and curiosity be enough to make you want to see what things are like?  

That's where the story element of this caption is born out of.  Asking these questions.  While I enjoyed writing it, nothing prepared me for Reprobate's comments on the caption after seeing it:

"Gee, I'm not sure I deserve such a wonder cap.

Elegant prose and a situation that feels so real it almost feels like non-fiction, like it might just happen or has already happened to me, only I just need to catch up with it. The graphic designer in me loves the way the photo used in the cap has a very pure, bright color toward the top which echoes the innocence of the plot. And whether you intended for this to happen or not, as I become more 'worldly' for lack of a better term, and come to understand myself, my body, what it means to be this new person, I come down from this bright color to a much more gray place which the area behind the words of the last paragraph reinforce.

There is a complexity here that is often left out. And of course your choice of images is impeccable.

You're a girl after my own heart,"

You'll excuse me if I teasure this one a bit more than normal.  

I promise it won't be so heavy handed next time.  I still enjoy something crass and sexy; just know my motivations for most things I create have more behind them than the surface.

See you next time, dolls.